A belief has once said that the triangle shape means change. Starting from a narrow part to the widest space of knowledge, where we'll be most welcoming of peace, love, and all things beautiful. So I had always believed at some point I will somehow be standing on crossroads, choose the path I'd like to take, and make change. And so life is always changing. A super fast paced routine that keeps everyone exhausted by the end of the day..and wake up to another, and again. No one ever dared to stop really. It is plain acceptance of which problem one must solve, and of which heartbreak one must mend. Life as time, goes on after all. I took a great deal on life - growing up with a lot of struggles just like everyone goes thru - or so I only realized it now.
Life must have been good. Nah. For me it never was. Sure I was a normal grown up kid existing in our universe, but that's just it. Plain existence - that I choose to run away from reality, most of the time, by running away from possible mistakes, possible mishaps, possible heartaches. It's as if life for me has been planned a million years before me, so I'd live worry free. Why these all is clear to me now. I've faced everything all at once, then came failures, then I stopped trying. I won't go in detailing the ugliness I've been thru - but by this, is why I'm brought up, well, as me now.
I could be the bestest friend to everyone. I have a knack for psychology, a good one, as all else shuts up to buy my wisdom. I don't know why this happens when I could never even steal my own advice. Honestly now, nothing meant to me - of my past - as in nothing and noone was important at all. I don't even live for me or the faith everyone keeps telling me. Or so my triangle was inverted, it started from a wide but closed space of emptiness. I was lying, I was cheating reality, I was inflicting me other norms of influences those strayed souls take. I must say it's all derranged thoughts and feelings, Gods help me I don't know what could've happened now if I've kept on slaying myself to death. It was literal numbness all my years.
Having to choose the way I've lived was difficult, ironic, but rewarding in the end. I don't know if the lessons I've learned came as I grew older, or better I'd like to count it on experiences. Yes, these are precious moments, highs and lows, I'll forever be grateful for. Great wisdom's formation happens here. Of equal importance comes the best relationships I've ever had, of the people who have dedicated such an amount of patience for me. I'll always cherish this life because of them. I have never seen my family as troubled, or good friends as concerned, a loved one so worried - things that I've made to believe are untrue - not that I've been watching sappy movies lately - It's just that after long long persistence of them trying to define me, I am finally convinced that it's beautiful to be weaker, better to be unknowing, okay to be angry, good to be loved - to live to be me.
Sure I'm still stranger to the strangest or the extreme of my criticisms. But hey, this is me now, and I will always be. I'll forever hold true of what is now, regardless of everything that's gone and else that's never missed. For things are meant to be what they are, people connect thru an unending sphere of events - dunno where it ends - but surely to a path where it's supposed to be. A mind and a heart are all it takes to take it all, so sudden, in a flowing state now I choose to draw myself in. I've got beliefs now, yeah still struggling, but I love it.
Something changes soon, it's the biggest, and yes I am aware of it happening, just not exactly. So I'm recollecting my thoughts here now as I might like to take shifts - to a more open, wider triangle of a life I've always dreamed of. Or so it's made to change this way.
