Reality check.

I've recently made an assessment of my life, how I've been the past years and all. There was one significant time when I've hit the lowest in my life. I was having a good job. I was ultimately living in independence. Everything was doing good. Except that I've always felt alone. I was away from home. I understood perfectly that these things are happening the way it should be..but there's always something missing. I didn't like where I am. I didn't like the environment of people around me. Not that I've become so aloof, that I'd be criticizing everyone I meet. I've had few true good friends. I've learned few good things from experiences. Only a few, and the rest is a sad cold lie. I was losing track of it all.

I guess I've stepped a little too much on how the real society is. It was the first time looking on the ugly phases some people tend to take, over for the things ideal and right. Some live too much on preoccupations. Others and more, for money, no matter what the risks are. Always for deception, greed, hate. But there's nothing for passion. Nothing for love. Anymore. I've realized how people have become so empty and numb living their lives..without fixing anything for the better, without mending pains. It seems to me, getting by and through the hell of it all is the only way to live. Worse is that they've learned to get used to it. They've began to be good at it too. Stepping on others and always aiming for the edge.

I've become completely derranged. Is there really such a good and a bad thing? Is there any difference between right or wrong? I'm not trying to be misleading here. I'm sorry I'm bad at getting my point..but you know what I mean, right? I've made mistakes too and learned from them. I admit at times it's tempting to try do the less-difficult ways of getting what I want out of life, just like the others. Do we really have to lie?

I'm still in the process of re-evaluating my actions, and thingking carefully on it..on what do I really want to be and want to be doing, at least for today. I refuse to be cold. I'm turning away from the lies. Where this all leads, no one knows. But I know I have to keep a good heart, to let it start beating again, with of course, coping up to this crazy world we live in.

How does someone reach to the truth of what he really is and how he is happening, being aware and all of his perceptions, beliefs, and decisions? Or will we ever achieve that fulfillment we ever dreamed of? What could you or could you more, need out of your life to be contented? That narrow path to clarity, or that wide open road to nowhere, which one would you choose?

If you ask yourself these kind of questions, what could your answers be?



..and my head aches again ;) Quite complex, sorry. X/